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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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A



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Credits
©Glamouresque.
Thursday, March 22, 2012

Hello

So life has been pretty much a mess, right up until now. Yes i tell people I'm fine all the time, that I know what I'm doing. But hey, let's face it, I don't. I have about enough strength to go on pretending in front of people, but this space, naw i just need to rant man. Hardly anybody comes here anymore, so my thoughts are pretty much safe. But if anyone's reading this, forgive me for the whining and the complaining and the self-pity i'm about to start, my space my rights, no?

To be honest, i really don't know what i'm doing with my life right now. Where i'm heading, damn i ain't got no clue of what I want to be when i grow up. So ask me where i see myself in 10 years, I can't tell you because i can't see myself anywhere. Not right now.

And i know the decisions i make, they're not always right. Never always right. But i have a pretty good feeling about this one, i just know that I want to do this again. I know many people- friends, family alike- think that I'm making the wrong decision. But please, all I need right now is support. Not people going on about how I'm not gonna be able to do it. My self-esteem is low enough, I don't need my friends and family telling me that I can't do it.

I'm tired okay? I'm tired of beating myself up about so many things. You don't know the number of sleepless nights I've been spending thinking about my life, seeing how worthless I am, how i reek of failure, how I can never do anything right, how wrong I am. You think i don't know that much about myself? My critical voice is so loud, that's all I hear. And I'm trying to keep myself together but please if you're gonna criticize me, don't. I'm human too, I have feelings and there's only so much negativity I can take and I get enough criticism from myself.

I'm just reallyreally tired. I need to rant somewhere without burdening anyone or sounding so weak infront of people. So forgive me for being a weakling here.

But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay